The Desk.

Here are some recent conversations of mine. I think they accurately sum up my personality:


W: The nicknames work because I don't know their actual names. And because I am the nickname master, master of nicknames
S: But why Gumdrop, and Icepick?
W: Just look at them. Gumdrop, well, he has the mannerisms of a gumdrop. That is to say, if a gumdrop were a person, it would act like him. And Icepick just looks like a guy you would call Icepick. I tell ya, that was stroke of genius, that day.


Everybody: What does your real voice sound like?
W: Like this (different every time)
Everybody: Can you please just talk in your normal voice?
W: Normal for me or normal for a normal person?


U: ...I don't get it.
W: That's because you're assuming there's something to get.


B: I bet she thinks you're pretty crazy after that.
W: Yea, normally that one creeps people out, but she already knew I was crazy going in, she just didn't know the particular brand of crazy in which I deal.


W: Ok, dude, what if a person was glazed.....
B: Why you gotta say that when I'm drinking my milk?


C: How can you be militantly conservative and an embittered atheist at the same time?
W: Turns out I'm so conservative I'm liberal. I went so far right that I just swung all the way back around.