So it turns out I'm actually more right-handed than I am left. For years I proudly spoke of my affiliation with this most noble and oppressed minority, but alas, my life has been a lie. Although I write, draw, eat, and brush my teeth and hair with my left, I've always thrown projectiles, driven nails, operated scissors, and favored punching with my right. I am equally proficient at baseball and tennis from both sides, and can write reasonably legible manuscripts with my right (compared to my best lefthanded), as well as operate various utensils. So you see, I am fully right-handed when it comes to matters of strength, and only slightly left-handed in matters of dexterity. Now the quetion is why. The answer of course, is the continual oppression of my people since the dawn of man. I'm serious, our track record is worse than the Jews'. Everything is made for use by right-handed users, so it is awkward and sometimes dangerous for south-paws to operate many things. There is a significant number of injuries and deaths related to handedness (lefties using equipment made for righties), and I will get back to you as soon as I'm able to find some figures. In response to this, lefties have learned how to use our right for a lot of our daily activities. Computer mice are a perfect example. I've switched mine to left-handed, in protest, now that I'm the only one who uses it. But while I'm on the subject, I'll probably switch it back. Not because it's what I'm used to (I'm quite proficient with the lefty setting), but because I could then do the mouse with my right while I simltaneously write with the left. I don't know why you righties haven't always used lefty mice for this same reason.
Oh wait, I do know why. Ya'll can't use your left at all. It is a proven fact (I myself have researched this in the feild) that left-handed people are better at doing things right-handed than righties are with their left. This is because we are forced to use right-biased equipment regularly, and have devoloped our right hands equal to yours, but at the same time we have skilled left hands from genetics, while you have done nothing to improve your left-hand dexterity. Though we have been oppressed, we have come out better because of it. We can compete with you equally with our right hands because you have forced us to use them, but we have maintained our superiority on the left side. Clearly, lefties are better and more versatile than righties. Why then are only 10% of us left-handed? Because we were killed of by those superstitous Christians in the middle ages who thought we were evil or "sinister" (Latin for both left-handed and evil). That's right, yet another problem rooted in organized religion. I'm telling you, it all comes back to organized religion.
Damn right-handed Christian scum.
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