The Desk.

I've come to the realization that he's a better man than I. I should give up now (I should have never started), but I can't allow myself to do that. I'm Watson; I have a name to uphold. If I can't succeed in this then nothing else matters. This is the only endeavor in which I've ever had an edge over anybody, and that's only been because of my acting. It's time to do it for real. It's time for me to become the man I should have always been. For the name of Watson, for the name of the South, I have to win this battle. But now the battle is with myself. I meant what I said, but all I seem to do is drift farther away from that, and from her. The funny part is that it was never about her. Someone asked me today if she's who the away message is about. Of course she is, but not just her specifically. In fact it's more about him, and about everybody who constantly reminds me what a jerk I've been sometimes. Well, not a jerk so much as just not a good as I should be. Now Tim, there's a jerk. And Chris is the bastard son of a traitor. Is that what I've been reduced to? I know I'm better than them. At least I was, a long time ago.

My toe is oozing.

So now John thinks I'm an idiot because I didn't let her win. It's not like I beat the tar out of her, that would have been a bad move. No, I just didn't intentionally let her win. In fact, I won on the very last point of the set after a deuce, so it was as even a match as you could have. Anyway, I didn't let her win and I think that was the best move. It's all about sending the right message. We had just got done explaining that you only let her win if it's your mom or a potential girlfriend. But what about when she is your girlfriend? No, once she is girlfriend, you're already in and you don't have to worry about it anymore. So, since she is not my mother, nor is she a potential girlfriend as far as I want her to know, I thought it best to just play honestly. Because honesty is usually best, and besides, I have too much respect for her to do that. That's good, right?

And oh yea, "Ma'am" is cute, but the line from Life is Beautiful that I use now is absolutely unstoppable. No woman can resist its charm. Try it today.

I wrote a poem today because I was reading some sociology documents and had a bit of catharsis happening. I haven't titled it, but I'm thinking something along the lines of "To an old friend" Let's just say it fits with my last few posts very well.

Their world is too much for you,
And you've seen more than you ought.
Continue and you'll doubtless rue
The day you opted leaving not.
Why not take this silent hour
To explain yourself to me.
Oft you dream of inner power,
But you lack the inner creed.
You once told me something, friend -
To get out while one's still able,
But it looks to me you've reached that end,
And lost what once was stable.


Hey seniors in AP English: I submit to you any of my work for poetry responses, especially if you're in Tytell's class; I'm sure she'd love to see my name in there again.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.

I'm going to have to disagree with our friend Billy on this one. Watson =/= Evan. Names are everything. The name by which you adress and refer to a person is the most important part of their identity. For example, "Evan" conjures up a completely different person than does "Watson." The same person is called many different names by different people, and the terms they use and the way they say it can give the person a whole new meaning each time. Tommy can't say the word "Kelli" without a smile on his face, but Sly is perfectly fine referring to her as one of the "Foxy Ladies." You see what I did there? I changed his name too because he's different when he's Sly, and I'll talk about him in different ways depending on which is apt. The names I use are for that part of that person, that character they play when they act a certain way. Yes, Jazz is Daniel, but only a part of Daniel is Jazz. The whole is made of Jazz as well as Daniel, and Danzig, and Ziggy, and whatever else I might call you. I make up these names so I can remember more easily, but they're just as psychologically significant as they are pragmatic. Only a part of me is Evan; I'm only Evan sometimes. A name isn't just what you are called; it's who you are and how you do what you do.

In response to your many queries, I don't prefer one over the other. Just like Watson and Evan are different people, the people that call me by each are in different catagories. Females tend to call me by my first name, and males by my last, but that's a matter of their preference, not mine. It does mean something, though, and there are rules to why some people call me certain things. Watson distances me, while Evan endears. My various other nicknames do similar things in either direction. Sometimes I will tell somebody to call me one thing or another, but mostly I wait and see what they prefer to call me. That helps me see where I stand with them. Give them options and the answer they choose will generally tell you something about them and yourself.

So we just got done with parents weekend here at the Dub. I managed to get myself two, count 'em two, free dinners out of the deal, which is always nice. The first from adopting Sly's family when they came down, and the second as a thank you dinner from some of the ladies I helped out the night before. Sly and I are agreed that such action is not necessary, as we were just doing our civic duty, but we appreciate the gesture. We also find it ironic that the two parties Sly has been to were while his parens were here. So in light of recent events, I've decided to switch my angle a little bit, and work with things I'm better at, rather than trying to compete with somebody else. If we're both playing the same game, neither of us can win, but if I'm working a completely different approach, things will get a little more interesting. It's not about winning anyway. To steal a quote from that Bagger Vance movie, "This is a game that can't be won, only played." So let's such see what we can do, let's see where I can go with something else. Because you can tell a man's grip on life by the grip has on his club. I can't make any guarantees except one: you'll never meet anybody quite like me.

I had nearly forgotten one of the cardinal rules of the game, but I'll see that that doesn't happen again. But I could still lose everything because of it.

Paraphrased version for the non-Watsonesque types:

I'm the pimp from hell, bitches.

For my Winston folks, this is an update on college life. For my Wilmington folks, this is a glimpse into what you might think you want to know about my past.

College is where you finally become who you always were, where the same old things are new again, and you discover for the first time the man you've been for years. The very concept of time is novel, in that now you have it, and can use it. All this new time lends itself to thought, for me at least because that's what I do. You can probably guess what I'm about to say, but I'll say it anyway. I've not changed at all, I've only been amplified. From what you know of me, imagine being around me 24/7, and you'll understand why I am what I am. What I am is a drifter, a rogue, a cultural anomaly in the age of MTV. We knew that already, I've even talked about here before, but now it's time to look at why. I don't like to be locked into one thing. Some call it fear of commitment, and I know I have it, but I'd prefer to call it hopeless romanticism. Male youths in my situation (some of you know the situation I'm talking about) tend to collect father figures. Lucky me, I had people like Johnny Cochrane, Steve, and Rowland to pattern myself after. And of course there's William Wallace, Cosby, and Cool Hand Luke. Strong male role models tend to have a greater than normal impact on my demographic, whether I want them to or not. I have to have something there, even if it's something wierd or just wrong. Because of the role models I've chosen, I've been molded in too many strange and different ways.

Something happened and it changed me. It's why I'm obsessed with the concepts of masculinity and gentlemanliness, and it's why I've always stood alone, drifting in and out of your rigid social hierarchy. It is the primary reason I am the way I am. I've always tried to deny it, but that just proves its truth and has always prevented me from moving on. I don't know why, but this whole college transition has made me think about it a lot more. I guess that makes sense. It's good though, I can admit it now. I always knew it had a huge impact on my life, but I'm just now starting to realize just what it has done to me psychologically. Some of the crazy is just my personality like I've always said, but as I think about it, it seems to be that Freud is at work in a major way.

Thanks for dropping by.

I haven't been here too much lately, and by here I mean the room where my laptop is. I'm only in here to sleep or occasionally for a minute here and there. My roommate does the same. So, needles to say, I don't drop by the desk too much, either, so I'm sure everybody's forgotten all about ol' Watson and his crazy, belligerent antics. Well, I've got some new tricks up my sleeve.

Issue #1: Pick up the Pieces
I'm not a horrible person, I'm really a nice guy at heart. It might seem like I'm doing this out of spite, but I don't have a problem with him. He's good people, and I think she'd agree with me. Besides, I didn't even really do anything, I just kind of stepped into the picture. That's all I had to do, really; she's made all her decisions already. I'm there for her, he's just there, hanging around. I'm thinking of backing off for a bit, mostly so I can sweep in more dramatically later. Make your move, friend, or I'll have to make mine.

Issue #2: The Truth Is Even Better
Yea, she had a boyfriend at the time, but y'all don't know the whole story. They're done now so I guess I'm allowed to talk about it. She wasn't after me, and y'all know damn well I aint after her. It's not about 'us'; it's about sticking it to the man, man. I'm taking the system down from the inside. I intend to change the rules of the game completely. Now we're both working on other projects (see mine above), and I think this will work out well, as long as she doesn't try to talk to me outside of business.

Issue #3:
There's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college.

Thanks for dropping by.

I'm sure no one looks at this anymore (not that they ever did unless I specifically told them to) because I haven't posted in weeks. I've also not been on IM as much as I used to. You may be wondering why I have disappeared from the face of the earth, or perhaps you're wondering why it didn't happen sooner. The answer is that while I disappeared from your world, ne'er to return, I have made myself omnipresent in my new home. Though they cannot IM or call me, they do not need to. They can just walk down the hall and talk to me. Well, not really. If I was ever in here they could, but I'm not. If I was, you'd know about it on my blog and IM. I come in here to sleep and occasionally check my email, Doug does the same. We're both in here and awake now and it's about the second time that's ever happened. It's good; we don't get in each other's business. Will's got an even better deal: his "roommate" lives with his girlfriend off campus. We've seen him pop in and out a few times. Will also lives in the corner room which is much bigger than the others. But here's the kicker - he's not even in honors and he gets all this. Oh well, he's good people, and smarter than most of the honors kids anyway. So anyway, you might want to know where I am all the time if not here. I know you folks can't fathom a world away from your computer screens, but it does in fact exist. Usually I'm either next door with Jazz and Joseph, or in one of the girls' pods. Either way I can always be found. Otherwise I'm at Best Buy not buying anything. Except yesterday when I found a gift card with $30 on it, so now I have movies. So why am I here now? Good question, I leave now.

I turn 18 tomorrow, Aaron turns 21 next wednesday, and none of that makes any difference.