Apparently there are people in this world who are unaware of the concept of movie etiquette. And so, since violation of movie etiquette is such an egregious offense, I shall have to explain its parameters. Firstly, if you have a big head, sit in the back. Now that that's out of the way: Talking is only acceptable if your comment is hilarious. If what you are about to say is not humorous or is irrelevant, think it over for a while and decide if it really needs to be said. But don't think too hard because timing is everything. Definitely don't talk while stuff is going on on screen. Make your comment quick during a montage or something. Don't say anything that's already obvious. If a movie has funny moments in it, they are intended. For example, the scene in Last Crusade where Indy and Henry make for the fire place is supposed to be ironic. The director and the writer and the producer and the actor all knew what they were doing when they shot the scene. Nothing in movies is a coincidence that you alone with your wit can see. Every little detail on the screen is put in there on purpose for somebody to notice. You are not the only one who picks up on these things; the rest of us just appreciate it silently. Therefore, do not make comments relating to these types of scenes. Sure, laugh at the funny parts, that's why they're there, but don't laugh obnoxiously. If you have a bad laugh, and you know who you are, keep it under control. Don't ever say "Watch this part." Seriously, what else am I going to do? Watching that part, and all the other parts, is what I'm there to do. Mostly just shut up; talk on your own time. Lastly, no PDA. Don't nobody need that. 'Cause damn.
Improper behavior is now under Zero Tolerance policy. Henceforth, if you are found in violation of these movie watching rules, you will not be allowed to watch any more in our House. Go see them by yourself like the jerk you are, and let the rest of us enjoy a proper movie experience. Failure to abide by movie etiquette standards is grounds for immediate removal. You know who are. Reform or face the consequences.
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