The Desk.

It turns out Morgan and I have been married for thirty years. There's zero sexual tension between us because there's zero sexual attraction. She's not really my type (I go for the brunettes), and I'm only hers when I wear a tie. We ended up together more than anything; there was certainly no romantic gesture made by either of us. Everyone else thinks both of us are insane, but to us we seem normal. We've heard everything the other has to say and we really don't care anymore. We used to listen to each other when we first met because we thought maybe they'd say something of consequence. Soon we realized that there's no reason to pay attention but we still talk to each other for hours anyway about nothing. We finish each other's sentences, but that's only so they'll shut up. There's nothing she can do to surprise me anymore, and she never did find me very interesting. We're strictly business when it comes to anything we might do together, and any dispay of affection that might happen is for the sole purpose of protecting one of us from some outside force. Her mother scares the hell out of me and her dad treats me like the son he never had, even though he has three. They've been trying since they met me to get us together because they don't know my secrets. Whenever they find out I'm an atheist, they'll be trying to break us up and they will disown me. Oh, and we have many children, grown and in college. We live vicariously through our puppet-mastery of people in the dorm, since we ourselves were never capable of any romantic endeavor. Neither of us like the other very much. In fact we disagree on most things, and quite frankly I find her annoying. I'm sure she feels similarly about me. So there you have it. The reason I'm not a relationship type of guy is that I've already been married for thirty years.