The Desk.

With her it's a matter of mutually reciprocated respect. She respects my ability to manipulate the others because I let her see my work, and in turn I respect the fact that she's not afraid of me. You see, I analyze your every move, and I know exactly what you think about everything. So too many of you make it easy for me to do whatever it is I do. But because of what I see with her, I don't have a job to do. I talk to her about all the rest of you and what I'm doing, showing her that I pose no threat her if I'm involved in all these other things. So we down; it's almost like a normal relationship between a girl like her and some sort of regular guy that's just a guy. We can just chill, you know, and don't neither of us have to be all sneaky or worried about what the other one's up to. With her is where I spent most of my time when I wasn't working a mark or required to deal with people I don't want to deal with. So what we have here is an open door based on the concept of asumed candor. Late in the semester I began a certain project, the results of which I was quickly able to see in her reactive behavior towards me, and which I intend to continue upon our return. This is basically a reconnaissance project, as it is not my intention start anything. But what if she thinks I do? Based on her behavior regarding certain actions of mine, I've got her and perhaps others thinking I'm interested in her, which is backwards of the way I usually work. Indeed it has become easy for me to read the signs of interest from y'all, so now I'm intrigued to research the signs of when a girl thinks the guy is interested. What signs of ours can they read, how and why do they react, and what differences appear between whether she reciprocates? This fieldwork will surely assist me in my work with the rest of you. And friend, if there's a girl whom you want to know or not to know your interest in her, I shall soon be able to assist you.

And oh yea, she's not who you think she is.

I've compiled a list of pairs of quotes that I think capture the liberal and conservative mindsets. Being a big picture kind of a guy, it is these general statements of belief, rather than specific policies or polititians, that helped me see where I fit into the political spectrum. Understanding and attaching myself to these types of mantras is why I'm a conservative. The specific issues and policies change, so I may or may not agree with every move and every agenda my party has, but my personality and the type of person that I am leads me to be a conservative. I've tried not to be partisan, but I'm sure I've twisted these to make my side sound better. I'm not going to tell you which list is which because I assume you're smarter than that. Do riot, you know you want to.


Let nothing stand in the way of progress. ----------- If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
To each according to his need. ------------------------- To each his own.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. --------------- An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
Promote change and rebellion. ------------------------- Preserve tradition and your way of life.
Teach kids to express themselves and be happy. --- Teach kids responsibility and respect.
It takes a village to raise a child. ----------------------- Survival of the fittest.
You get what you give. ----------------------------------- You get what you've earned.
Poor people need to be given hand-outs. ------------ Poor people need to be given a chance.
The highest ideal is political corectness. ------------ The highest ideal is success.
The whole group is most important. ----------------- Individuals are most important.
The government's job is to take care of us. --------- The government's job is to protect our rights
Taxes are to serve the government. ------------------ Taxes are to serve the tax-payers.
Look to the future; we've nowhere to go but up. -- Remember the past; we're going downhill.
Can't we all just get along? ---------------------------- Get back to work, dirty hippie.

"If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it."

I am not opposed to a relationship, I just know I don't need one, and I strongly suggest that it is ill-advised for anyone to attempt such an endeavor with me. It is out of respect for other people that I cannot be in a relationship with any other people. It has been established and proven that I am not fit to be in a relationship; I'm just not capable of it. Therefore I would not be able to provide you with that which you deserve. I respect that y'all have very sensitive needs, and out of respect for that, I do not attempt to fulfill those needs. Because I know what'll happen even if you refuse to admit it. I'll half-ass it just like I half-ass everything else because I left the better half of my ass at Grayson, but apparently you people tend to care very much, and that's just not a good combination for your side. So I'm not going to go around trying to trick people into something I know will end up badly for them, but if you are willing to understand my limited capacity for mutual reciprocation of sentiment, I am willing to accept your willingness, if you will.

So I'm now issuing my official statement regarding a relationship with me. I have warned you what is inevitable - that I ultimately cannot do a legitimate relationship and therefore cannot make any guarantee of commitment or fulfillment. Having provided this warning, I cannot be held accountable for any damage, emotional or otherwise, and therefore I am not to suffer any consequences as a result of your inability to heed my sufficient warnings. I'm just letting you know that you have nothing to fear from me. You don't have to worry about me going and instigating anything because I know don't nobody need that from me, but that if somebody else feels they need to go and start something, I might not stop it. That said, enter at your own risk.

I get the feeling I've either lost or alienated a good deal of my readership and I'd like to fix that, toss something in for everybody. In my post about proper blogging I discussed breifly the importance of feedback, upon which I shall now expand. The most important tool for improving any product is knowing the opinion of the consumer. And while it can be said that a disregard for what others think is honorable, this is not true if you're trying to sell something. And no, reading your blog or website doesn't cost your readers anything, so you're not really selling anything other than their continued readership. Call me conceited, but I made the blog for people to read, and I made the website for people to read. So if I write something you don't like (I'm not talking about something you disagree with; if my post gets you all riled up that means it's a good one. Not liking it means you don't find it worth reading), tell me about it. I need your help to make this interesting, after all, I'm going to write something I like no matter what, but as long as other people are going to read it, I'd rather write stuff somebody else can appreciate too. Let me know what sort of issues you want to see discussed, write about the issues on your blog. I know you have opinions, am I the only one who wants to talk about them? A while back I had a good thing going with these four other people where one of us would make a post, and instead of just making a comment about it, the others would write a whole post in response on their own blog. This blog ring worked well because we all kept feeding off each other and the overall intelligence of our arguments increased. As it stands, the others in the ring seem to have stopped posting, at least about any arguable issues, so now I've been trying to maintain a similar style blog with nobody to balance me. Maybe it's just me, but this stuff can be very rewarding if you get into it. You see, I enjoy blogging, but not if nobody reads it, that's the whole point is to have people read the thing, and I don't know if you're reading or if you have a desire to continue reading unless you tell me. So go ahead and tell me if you don't dig it and I'll try and cook something up for you. Same goes for the Office, let me know what parts do anything for you as I build and improve the site.

By the by, I did finally start working on the Office again for the first time since fall break because I'm back in Winston and bored out of my mind, so I've fixed a lot of the structural problems and made a lot of updates and more are on the way. So now there's actually something there for the readers instead of an empty shell behind the link.

I'm spending a few days at Aaron's place before we head up to Winston for break. I enjoy it well enough, this place is a much my home as any other. What is that, a home? I've only been living in the dorm for a few months, but I feel more at home there than in that house where I lived for seventeen years. That place is dead now, a ghostly shell of what used to be a lively family abode. It's too quiet there now, the fish died so the tank cleaner's not running, making that god-awful comforting grind. I would listen to music to put me to sleep but I think that's what's been making my dreams wierd lately. I don't even know what happens there anymore. I can't even sleep in my own bed, eat at my own table aymore. I need to be where I have a rhythm. Like in the woods. Out there things are familiar, even in a place you've never been. Out there it doesn't matter from days or weeks or politics or classes; out there you're free. But not so free you don't know what to do. I need that familiarity, that routine, waking up in the morning and knowing inside and out what I need to do and how to do it. It's the routine that keeps us sane, and it's the routine that drives us crazy, you've just got to pick yours. That's my problem here is that I don't know this life. You all know I don't quite fit in with everything, but you should see me out there. Out there I'm part of the land, out there look like I ought to be there like I'll never look like I ought to be in a city here with you. I've been a lot of places and met a lot of people, and the more of the world I see, the more I realize the only place I'll ever belong.

There's only one word I can use to describe this girl: simple. Simple means that she sees nothing beyond the surface value of anything, simple means her every thought is vocalized without regard, and simple means that she's too nice to everyone to ever get upset about anything. Honestly I've never seen her without a positive demeanor, even when faced by the disrespect of that fool of a Yankee with whom she has some complicated relationship. It is probably this desire for simplicity in her life that draws her to a romantic interest in the simple boy I discussed in the previous post that can never happen. Unable to comprehend or control her own romantic situation, she has recently become increasingly concerned with my activities regarding the little one that makes a lot of noise. It is her belief that because of my behavior towards the noisy one, I am quite obviously in love. In her mind, I have hopelessly fallen for her, but I'm afraid to tell anyone because there's a boyfriend back home. The plan here is to let her think that, even professing my love to her, giving her the impression that she's the only one I trust. She doesn't have the capacity to even begin to understand the truth of the matter, so I feel it is easier and more humane to let her have her delusions. She doesn't know what a horrible person I am because she couldn't understand the concept even if I did tell her the truth. I don't like lying, but I would like even less to destroy the purity and simplicity of her idea of love.

She's better than the rest of us. She's on a higher plane of existence and she knows it. Why? Because she's a pretty little blonde girl. And pretty little blonde girls always get things their way. I don't think that's a bad thing, I think everybody's entitled to live as they see fit, but some people have never known it any other way. Some people have never had anyone tell them no. She's one of those people. It does not occur to her that some of us don't care how hot she is; in her mind the rest of us are at her beckon call. And it's guys like him that allow this to continue. He doesn't see it; he just sees himself. But she knows his intentions too well. She'll flirt with him a little, throw him a bone every once in a while so he'll keep coming back. Back to do every little thing she tells him. He has no idea, he thinks he's working his way into her heart. The other girls, they don't get jealous, no, they encourage it. They tell her how beautiful she is and do everything to keep her thinking she's the greatest thing alive. But she has one weakness. She would never survive alone. Why do you think she hangs onto something no one should ever be subjected to. She'll tell you it's love. It's fear. That's where I come in. I'm here to show her that cute little blonde girls don't always get their way. Show her that "Yea, I'll give you a hand," but only because I'm a nice guy. Just because you say jump doesn't mean I'll say how high just because I have a penis. She thinks I'm just like him, just like every other guy who she ever smiled at. You should have seen the look of utter terror on her face to see me ignore her, that look that tells me she's never been number two, that look like everything she thought she knew just got shot down. Too bad whenever I say no, he's right there to give her twice the attention. It's almost sad. She treats him like shit because she knows he still worships her.

Three months ago I might have been just like him. But I see through her like he never will. She'll break him, turn him into less than a man, and when that happens, I will not hesistate to destroy her. Cause he's my boy, and I gotta watch for him what he can't see. But only after the pitiful child learns his lesson will she learn hers.

I've put up a list of my five most controversial posts on the side bar right below the top five posts. I have done this because it is these controversial posts to which I owe my audience. Which brings me to today's topic: General Blogmanship.

Several of you that have blogs or journals have just recently started them and so I have some words of advice to help you get going in the blogosphere. Sometimes people use them as just a place to let out their feelings and what-not. But what you have to remember is that this is public domain. You're looking for readers here; if you just want to write for your own private betterment there's pen and paper for that. If you want to talk about personal and interpersonal business, we live within spitting distance, just come on down the hall and talk. With your blog, you've got to make it interesting, you've got to make it something people want to read. First of all, myspace and xanga suck because you can only comment if you're a member, and livejournal is for 12 year old girls, get a Blogger*tm blog instead. As for the layout, keep it simple. I hate those livejournals with the picture in the back and you can't even read what the post is. Or the myspace where you can't even tell where you're supposed to be looking. Anyway, stress content over style.

People like to comment when they read something, and they won't read yours if you don't give them that opportunity. I've got a tagboard and I like livejournal's comment thing. Myspace and xanga suck, like I said. Speaking of commenting, I like it because it lets me know that people are reading and that they are interested. Even if not on the tagboard, I appreciate feedback of any kind. Similarly, I make an effort to comment on other people's, to encourage them to continue blogging. If no one ever comments, you think no one is reading so you stop. So comment on everybody's blog. Next, you've got to tap into what your readers want to see. I acquired a number of new readers on some of those controversial posts because people like to read posts about themselves. I also like to challenge people's political and religious beliefs because that gives them a reason to keep coming back and reading more. Give it a twist. A lot of blogs sound the same, especially ones about your personal life or even political ones where they keep harping on the same arguments all the time, so give yours a certain flavor that keeps people interested. Mine happens to be the recurring themes of religion and mental illness, and of course my famous backdoor logic, but find something to tie your blog together and make it distinct.

So that's that. Nobody cares about your personal life because we are your personal life and we've already heard the story. And nobody cares what you think, only what you can prove (even if through backdoor logic). So blog, my friend, blog like the wind.

You're right, I am a sexist pig, but only when I'm proving a point. It is true that in early medeival Europe, women were not allowed to inherit property. This was an ancient law (based on scripture) that nobody really payed attention to until the king of France noticed that he was the rightful heir to the English throne, and the contemporary English king was to be his feudal vassal. A few generations earlier, the English king's daughter inherited the throne because the king had no sons, and passed it down through her son. The French king realized that he was descended from the son of the English king's brother, who died before the king, but his family was entitled to the throne because he was the closest living male relative. This controversy started the Hundred Years War and the animosity between England and France ever since. They helped us win our Revolution because of this animosity, but then we saved both their asses in World War II. Anyway, my point is that women were thought lesser than men, hence the closest living male relative, however obscure, was higher in the chain than the wife or daughter.

Some people got mad at me for supporting this idea, but they misunderstood me. You see, this is not my idealogy; it is that of Christians in early medeival times. That's right, I'm bringing religion into it. Because religion, as we all know, is the source of all that is evil and wrong, and this is but another example. So don't come whining to me about how we live in an unfair, male-dominated world where the close-minded idea of traditionally female roles leads to certain professions being underpaid and underappreciated (remember, I'm going to be a teacher too), because I'm not the one who supports the theology from which the oppression is derived. You can ask your pastor, instead, because he'll tell you that right there in Genesis it says that Adam, and consequently all minkind, was punished because he had to go and listen to the woman when she thought it was a good idea to eat that apple. Gentlemen, God told you never to listen to your woman because she's probably been corrupted by Satan if she thinks she can get all upety and tell you how to act. So guess what, kids, I'm not the sexist here. All you Judeo-Christians who put so much stock in the literal truth of the good book are responsible for perpetuating the very chauvanism you so sorely hate to hear me even mention. All people, regardless of gender, race, or which false doctrine to which they attach themselves, are equal in my eyes. Stupid, but all equally stupid.