As much as I need to be in control, I hate being in charge. I'm like a plantation owner who hirers out slave drivers to do the actual slave driving while I maintain control in principle. At first I thought this was because I don't like the responsibility that comes along with being in charge, but I've seen some other reasons recently. I hate holding all the cards because that puts everything on me. I never know what to do when I'm in charge so nothing ever goes anywhere. I am definitely not an instigator, and I almost never make the move. That's why I need her to have an equal share of the power, it makes my life easier. Aye, equal; she can't have more power or less because that means somebody's above somebody else, and not only to I hate being beneath people, I hate people who let themselves be beneath other people. Especially in something so supposedly significant. It all comes back to the same reason I'm a conservative, the same reason I'm an atheist, and the same reason I'm a romantic. I believe in individuals, and I despise people that let themselves be sheep. So just like I don't like the idea of giving in to a god or a church or a government, I don't want anybody giving in to me. I find it, in fact, more repulsive than both Christians and liberals. Of course I'm speaking strictly of people with whom I want to deal. If I already don't like you anyway, there's really nothing else you can do about it, so go ahead and kiss my ass all you want; it's your only chance of getting my attention. Otherwise I like people I respect, and I respect people who get their business dealt with. Dependence, desparation, and clingy are probably the most unattractive personality traits there could be, where I find confidence and independence highly appealing in any relationship, be it business or pleasure. I guess for me opposites really don't attract because what I look for in other people is the same thing I strive to be myself. Ultimately I like the big fish, I like a challenge, and I like the chase. After all, the chase is the only fun part anyway.
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