If you couldn't tell, that last post was just filler until I could find something to actually write about. It's gone now because, like most things I write, it really didn't mean anything.
I was approached today regarding a solution to a current situation, and of course my initial response was that their is no problem with the situation. But since, when it comes to my business, my first priority is comedy, I pursued the conversation further, as to root out any comic potential from the situation. The base of dramatic irony has already been laid here, and has entertained me greatly, put the situation has reached a point at which the duality between the fact and the image is no longer sufficient to maintain itself. This is because the situation is tied into an entire dynamic that has been established between me and the establishment. Eventually I might start saying things that mean things; now seems a godd a time as any.
My intention is not to make her choose between me and her other friends. She knows this, I know this, but they wouldn't accept it even if they could know it. It doesn't matter to me what anybody does when I'm not around, and she's no exception, but for some reason they believe that any and all time spent in my presence instead of theirs will be detrimental to her and to their relationship with her. I see where they're coming from and I don't blame for thinking so. I am dangerous, and I do have a tendency to hold the knife that they land on when they throw themselves at me. That, and my belief in the inherent egocentrism of all mankind, is what leads me to believe that these people have taken an interest in this not out of any concern for her well-being, but their own jealosy. This is where you accuse me of being an egotistical bastard, which I am. But I've got a right to that. If I didn't deserve all these titles and praises, the people wouldn't put so much stock in everything I do and say, they wouldn't react the way they do to every move I make, and they wouldn't play right into my hands like they always do. If I wasn't as funny as I think I am, people wouldn't laugh at me. If I wasn't as brilliant as I say I am, I wouldn't be as right as I always am. I might be egotistical, but I can back my shit up.
But back to the issue at hand. We discussed the various things the others are thinking and what they and we are going to do about it. I called it before the one wrote about, I said one thing they might have in the works is to excommunicate me. What they fail to take into account is that by doing that, they're handing to me the thing I've tried so hard to take. I'm very good at making people like me, but I'm even better at making you hate me. Don't you think I know that? Everything I do is deliberate. Everything you see, you're meant to see, and everything you think, I've planted. If you want to bring me down, if you want to really get at me, giving me what I want and proving me right are no way to do it.
I'll tell you all now what I told her some time ago. Most people, especially people who've been a victim of it, think my only motivation is the image, and the fact of the thing is no deeper than that. But the fact of the thing is always first in my mind. I do as I see fit to take the reality where I want it to be. The image follows. When the reality is as I want it, then I step back and see what kind of an image it might have for those on the outside, and I use it to play with. Whatever I might be doing on the outside usually does not affect the fact because usually the girl's in on it. The two are completely separate and unrelated, and the image is only for amusement on the side. The ultimate goal lies in the fact of the thing. So if I see the potential for comedy, I'll seize it and exploit it, and my amusement is further increased by my knowledge of the gulf between the truth and what I can make you think.
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