The Desk.

There was an incredible tense moment for me today, the likes of which I've not experienced before. It was me, my mom and brother, and her sister's family, and we were talking about all the cousins and their relationships, particularly my mom's other sister's daughters and their new boyfriends. Of course my little cousin, in all of his adolescent curiosity, decides to ask what ever happened to Todd. Todd was a fun guy. A little bit weird, a little bit left, but a cool guy, and he was married to one of my cousins. But then he goes and asks what religion Todd was. Besides the fact that a person can't be a religion (you can practice a religion, or belong to a religion, but only a religion can be a religion), we now have a bunch of Christians talking about religion, which is never pleasant. Based on what I can deduce, Todd was most likely a Buddhist or some stupid thing, but Christians don't make a distinction. He was also a leftist tree-hugging hippie Communist, which didn't help his case with this family. Anyway, the whole lot is now talking about how he used to sit in the living room when we said grace and how weird he was, and I just decided not to say a word, because even an educated, objective comment would give me away. Remember, these people don't need to know I'm an atheist. They're just simple farm folk, the common clay of the old South. You know - morons. So I just had to keep my mouth shut despite the painful display of ignorance going on in front of me. Aaron kept looking at me. I don't know what he was looking for. He knows, and he also knows the others don't need to, so I guess he was just looking for how I would react. What he saw was just how far removed I have become from my own family. Would they toss me aside with a sigh of relief like they did Todd because they think atheism is contagious? Would they convince me it's cool to love Jesus like a bunch of filthy Methodists, or would they threaten me with holy water and brimstone like Baptists? I don't think I care. I've got nothing to hide. If I'm asked, or if they somehow discover the truth, I'll just explain myself to them like I do to anybody. Which is very little because I don't feel the need to justify the absence of the belief in something that doesn't exist. I'm sure you don't feel the need to explain your lack of belief in Nessie. Anyway, I also don't need to tell them any more than they need to know. So unless I am directly asked, there's no reason for me to bring it up and face a bunch of crap like I do from enough people already. I guess I just forgot that people still actually believe in that crock of shit religion, and this conversation today slapped me back towards that aweful, pitiful reality. People are stupid; I don't know why I thought the ones I'm related to would be different. I guess I've been around too many well-educated, intelligent people for so long that I forgot what it's like in the real world.

Welcome, folks, to another exciting edition of Words Watson Can't Stand. By "another," I mean the first. And by "exciting," I mean potentially mildly amusing for the span of a few seconds. This is just a list of words, phrases, and terms that bother me deeply for one reason or another.

African-American: I've discussed this before, but it definitely belongs at the top of this list. African-American denotes a person with American citizenship who immigrated from Africa. They can be black, white, arab, or any other race because the term doesn't not specify race. In fact, of all the African immigrants I know, only one is black.

[Blank]-ly Challenged: This patronizing, juvenile attempt to avoid offending someone is usually more offensive than anything else you might have called them. Grow up and call things what they are. Either that or stop defining people by their disabilities.

Full-Blown AIDS: That just sounds childish and stupid. You'd think they would have come up with a more formal, professional way of addressing such a serious illness.

Boonies/Boondocks/Styx/Hickville/BFE: It's one thing for dazzling Yankee urbanites to make fun of the rural South because they don't know better, but why do we do it to ourselves?

Anthropology: I don't have a problem with this word; I just have trouble saying it. It's that "r" following the "th." I can't say any words that have that sequence of letters, but especially when they appear in the middle of the word. I either leave the "r" out or I roll the hell out of it.

Scene 1: Chancellor's Walk, UNCW Campus. Thurs, Nov. 17, 2005. 11:00 am.
Two hungover Christian democrats are on their way to a morning class for the third time in one semester, preferably played by actors from the midwest because they have that horrible whiny, nasally accent that's offensive to a sophistocated person's senses.


Hungover Christian Democrat 1: It's so early. I'm cold. My feet are cold. My ears are cold.... etc.

Hungover Christian Democrat 2: In addition to complaining about it, why don't we just blame it on George W. Bush? I hear that's an effective strategy for abandoning the responsibility for your own decisions. After Katrina, we learned that rich old white men control the weather, so let's just say that our frostbitten extremities are falling off because the president failed to inform us that winter was coming.

HCD 1: Okay, but first we have to pray to Jesus to help us in our time of need. Surely He will send down jackets and mittens from on high because we are believers.

HCD 2: Then it is agreed. We shall sit here in the cold and wait for Jesus to make us warm again, and when people ask us what we are doing we'll sing a song about how rich white people make it winter to keep black people out of power because they know we will just sit here in the cold and wait for Jesus to make us warm instead of putting on a coat and going to class. Then they will pity us and take care of us like Jesus and the government were supposed to do.

HCD 1: Hey, that means we get to blame Bush for our poor GPA's as well.

HCD 2: That's right, because we're protesting. Also because it was a white conservative atheist who told us that coats keep you warm in the cold and that we ought not to drink so much that it interferes with our decision-making, and that we cannot expect the government or mythical characters to take care of us, and that we ought to go to classes, then all of those things must not be true. Clearly these are lies invented by Satan and the president to decieve black people into failure, which is why we did not listen to them and now we're freezing, hungover, skipping class, and waiting for Jesus and the government to save us. Obviously the only option at our disposal is to ignore any real solutions to real problems and kill the atheist in the name of God. That's what the Bible says anyway. Then we'll burn his American flag and country music cd's.

Monday/Wednesday:
12:00-2:00 EDN 200 Teacher, School, and Society
The really really important education class that I need to take this semester so I can apply to Watson, get my liscensure and actually have a job when I graduate. I just had to make sure I avoided a professor I was urged not to take. It's a stupid thing.

2:00-3:15 HST 345 Religion in Antebellum America
I'm done with my core, so I'm into upper levels now. Here's the one history class that I wanted to take, and one that will satisfy my US requirement so I don't have to deal with that. Also, it's cross-listed with PAR, so there's still a chance I can sneak this into credit for a religion minor too if I still decide to do that. Should be cool, I had this professor for PAR 103 and he's the man.

Tuesday/Thursday
9:30-10:45 GGY 140 Human Geography
This one will count for my geography collateral for my social studies teaching liscensure, and I hear it's just nonsense and coloring maps, which is about all I'm up for so early.

11:00-12:15 PLS 101 Intro Political Science
Another collateral requirement for my liscensure. I made sure to get the professor recommended to me. Shouldn't be too bad from what I've heard.

2:00-3:15 EDN 203
Developmental psychology or some stupid thing that doesn't matter to somebody teaching high school history. Just another education class since there weren't any more histories I was interested in, plus I need to get a little bit deeper into that part of my career here since I've neglected it so far.

No classes on Friday. No night classes, which is crucial because night classes suck. 9:30 is my earliest class and it's human geography. Noon is my earliest class on MW. Get out of class at 3:15 every day, so that's positive. Got/avoided all the professors I was told to get/avoid. Got into the history class with 10 seats. Every class is something I need, so there's no wasted hours. And I have no classes on Friday.

Yea, I kick ass.