There was an incredible tense moment for me today, the likes of which I've not experienced before. It was me, my mom and brother, and her sister's family, and we were talking about all the cousins and their relationships, particularly my mom's other sister's daughters and their new boyfriends. Of course my little cousin, in all of his adolescent curiosity, decides to ask what ever happened to Todd. Todd was a fun guy. A little bit weird, a little bit left, but a cool guy, and he was married to one of my cousins. But then he goes and asks what religion Todd was. Besides the fact that a person can't be a religion (you can practice a religion, or belong to a religion, but only a religion can
be a religion), we now have a bunch of Christians talking about religion, which is never pleasant. Based on what I can deduce, Todd was most likely a Buddhist or some stupid thing, but Christians don't make a distinction. He was also a leftist tree-hugging hippie Communist, which didn't help his case with this family. Anyway, the whole lot is now talking about how he used to sit in the living room when we said grace and how weird he was, and I just decided not to say a word, because even an educated, objective comment would give me away. Remember, these people don't need to know I'm an atheist. They're just simple farm folk, the common clay of the old South. You know - morons. So I just had to keep my mouth shut despite the painful display of ignorance going on in front of me. Aaron kept looking at me. I don't know what he was looking for. He knows, and he also knows the others don't need to, so I guess he was just looking for how I would react. What he saw was just how far removed I have become from my own family. Would they toss me aside with a sigh of relief like they did Todd because they think atheism is contagious? Would they convince me it's cool to love Jesus like a bunch of filthy Methodists, or would they threaten me with holy water and brimstone like Baptists? I don't think I care. I've got nothing to hide. If I'm asked, or if they somehow discover the truth, I'll just explain myself to them like I do to anybody. Which is very little because I don't feel the need to justify the absence of the belief in something that doesn't exist. I'm sure you don't feel the need to explain your lack of belief in Nessie. Anyway, I also don't need to tell them any more than they need to know. So unless I am directly asked, there's no reason for me to bring it up and face a bunch of crap like I do from enough people already. I guess I just forgot that people still actually believe in that crock of shit religion, and this conversation today slapped me back towards that aweful, pitiful reality. People are stupid; I don't know why I thought the ones I'm related to would be different. I guess I've been around too many well-educated, intelligent people for so long that I forgot what it's like in the real world.
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