The Desk.

No, friends, I'm not trying to start a cult. And I'll give you three good reasons as to why I'm not trying to start a cult.

1. Cults are stupid. It's time we move beyond the juvenile theatrics of Crowley and LaVey, and raise a more sophisticated public discussion. Cults are often full of either complete sheep, or people who are just in it for the rebellion and shock value. Neither of those are genuine, and especially given the type of philosophy I'm proposing, neither of those would be attracted to it in the first place. Ultimately, new religious movements end up with one crazy, although charismatic individual leading a bunch of idiots wearing funny hats into a fire. And while I'd love to pretend I'm charismatic enough to gain legions of followers on my oratory alone, I'm not crazy, and I don't want idiots.

2. I have neither the means nor the inclination to start a religious movement. Simply put, it takes way too much time, effort, and resources to start a cult, plus you have to know a lot of people with the right combination of gullibility and rebellion in them. No one listens to me annyway. From where you're standing, does it look like I'd be starting a cult even if I tried?

3. And last, but most importantly, the problems I have with organized religion extend seven-fold to cults. Remember, I don't actually believe in a literal God or Satan; this is just a mythological, literary analysis. Granted, most Satanists agree with me there, but there's still no call for any kind of structure or dogma here. Like I said, it's time for us to mature beyond LaVey's Satanism, and start doing some good in the world instead of just shocking people.