A little warning, if you're not in for a hell of a thing, get ready to brace yourself. It's gonna be classic Watson with a little more theology than you're used to, and if you actually get what I'm talking about, it's going to get really dark.
Being a male, I have long measured my life based on my accomplishments. Things I have done define who I am, as evident by the fact that everything I do, own, and wear has a story behind it. That has also to do with my Indian story-telling religion, but that's a different discussion. The point is, I put everything into this category, including women. It's about conquering, especially conquering the unconquerable, which is why I'm often attracted to the women that I'm attracted to. But recently a whole different thing happened, and it totally blew my mind, so I wanted to share it with you. It has everything to do with women, and it also has everything to do with religion, which makes it extra sexy Watson style. This time it wasn't about conquering anything, that didn't even matter. The feeling wasn't one of conquest, like it so often is, but oddly a feeling of redemption. And I suddenly realized that's how it's always been. It's been such a constant struggle for not just attention, but affection, that there's a almost a sense of Machiavellian retribution when I finally get even a taste of it, even as little as eye contact. It's that final redemption, almost in the sense of religion. That's when I started thinking, and that's where it got really,
really weird, and totally cool.
The redemption I'm talking about is the kind of thing you didn't realize you were missing until you find it, kind of like the way people talk about religion or love. Don't read too much into that, I'm just trying to give the idea of the magnitude. I suddenly realized that what I've been questing for, what the Desperado was desperate for, was exactly that. Forgiveness. And I think I understand Christianity a lot better now, I understand the feeling Christians have towards their concept of god. That's when I was reminded of the prodigal son. The confession of sin, and subsequent redemption, is only significant when there has been a sin, a prodigal straying and return home. People have told me to look to my family, my mother, for that kind of forgiveness, but how can my mother give me that? The Jewish Talmud has a proverb: If you want to know a man's character, don't ask his mother; ask his neighbors. The unconditional love of family doesn't provide forgiveness, precisely because it is unconditional, and therefore it is irrelevant either way. She doesn't know my character, or my sins. The mother can be the safety net, but not the ladder upwards. Redemption can only come from the one to whom you have confessed. That means the Father. The mother is the earth, the real, the support from underneath that gives us physical life. The Father is above, the spiritual life. He is the one who judges us, and gives us redemption. How does he do that? Through the son. It's through the blood of the son, but more importantly the simple existence of the son that we can be redeemed. I'm starting to sound a lot like an Indian again, and I love the Native view of this stuff, but it's in Christianity too, these are universal archetypes, even for me as an atheist. I took that really far out and theological, so let me bring it back for you.
Those of you who know me well, think about what I'm talking about in the context of me, because you should obviously know I'm not talking about Christianity. Our quest, our purpose in life has always been, as it is for all living things, simply put, to procreate. To carry on our species, and specifically, our own name. Through the son. It's through the existence of a son that a man is redeemed in the eyes of his father. Archaic I know, but we love it, don't we? I'm not going to say anything, but think about that in reference to me, and you'll see why this struck me. But that's all obvious, so let's take it one step further. How do we do that, and how do we get that? Naturally, it's my other great passion: Women. So with women, I've just discovered, rather than the sense of conquering a territory, when it's real, when it's genuine, and when it's really super sexy powerful, is when I get that sense of redemption. That since that just to get your attention, just that you let me speak to you, means I've been forgiven of all my sins. Just like ancient religions have an obsession with purity before contacting their deities, there's an echo of that with you, that I have to be pure, to confess and repent, and let you redeem me before anything else happens, even eye contact or talking. That's why, just when something simple like that happens, it's like there's been this struggle and redemption, like the prodigal son, and that's the sign of it, the sign of my redemption. Obviously I'm not speaking literally, and I love to shit philosophy, but I think I finally get it. I get something anyway... I've probably lost my mind entirely... thoughts?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
